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Emily hears a Whisper
The Price Women Pay When Their Children Die
Robin Drives Cross Town To Vent
She was pretty sure it was going to be awful. Now she was really sure. Her best friend and workmate had talked her into this. Only women who had experienced abortion could come. Now, here they were, driving all the way across town, and for what? She had been to an AA meeting once. Awful. Never went back.
Self talk: "Here we go again, Robin. Why can't you just say no, or pass or not interested? No, you had to smile, and say, "Well, it might help with some of the guilt feelings I have, now and again." As they drove in to a very upscale neighborhood, and into a very full cul de sac, she was pretty sure this was going to be a mistake. More than a dozen cars were in the process of unloading their occupants. Almost everyone looked older than Robin. This time, out loud, "Whatever. "Let's get this over with, and go get some food."
Her friend who had remained silent during her thirty minute riding rant just shrugged as she closed her door and said, "You might just like it."
"Not likely," came the response under her breath.
Everyone was ushered down the stairs to a big family room that looked out over a manicured lawn complete with swimming pool. At least they wouldn't starve. Lots of snacks and a punch bowl and a coffee maker. Good snacks. The chairs were set up in a semi-circle, three rows deep. Excellent. She eyed the last chair, on the last row, nearest to the stairs. She had her plan.
A well dressed woman who looked to be in her mid forties invited everyone to get some snacks and please sit down as her guest. The hostess did not take the chair facing the group. Another woman, introduced as Dr. Taylor sat down as everyone else took seats. Robin did not get the last chair, but she did get the back row.
In only moments, Dr. Taylor laid the ground rules for the evening. "The purpose of this meeting is for women to get acquainted with women. Everyone has one event in common. They have all experienced an abortion. You may say as much or as little as you feel comfortable saying. If you feel good about the experience of meeting with other women, you were welcome to attend any number of other small groups that meet around the city weekly to offer support."
In no particular order, some standing, some sitting, women began to speak.
"I had an abortion a month ago. I hate myself. I cry myself to sleep."
A woman in her thirties. "When I was 18 and 19 I had abortions. Two abortions. I knew it was wrong. I couldn't face my parents."
A mid twenties. "Couldn't face your parents. Mine drove me to the clinic. We didn't even discuss any options. I was in a waiting room with a number. They called my number."
Another. "My mother wouldn't hear of anything else. She was single. We had one car. Not much money. She told me, "No way I am supporting you and a child. No way." It is twenty years later, and I still resent her, and myself."
Another. "I'm thirty five. My abortion happened nineteen years ago. My parents didn't know. My boyfriend paid for it. I went to school on the bus. We left school and went to a clinic. I went back to school. I went home on the bus. There was no counseling. No truth. No options. Just death. I was sixteen with no help."
Another. "It has been twelve years ago. I can truly say I have suffered every day since. I have had nightmares, flashbacks, and am in and out of depression. No one told me anything about living with this act. I am on medication. I was wondering if anyone else found it necessary to take medication? My husband tells me to get over it, and move on. I want to move on. I just keep having these thoughts."
Another. "I never knew the details behind an abortion procedure. I remember talking to a counselor. I remember being told to be still by the doctor. I remember the stainless steel pan. I remember feeling pressure that this was the only responsible choice to make. I had never seen any pictures of babies. I regret it."
Another. "I went to the Priest. I went to confession. I know that I am supposedly forgiven. I have never been able to forgive myself. I mean, I know God is full of mercy, but I can't seem to get any sense of forgiveness or mercy. The bottom line is that I allowed a completely defenseless baby to be........." She sat down without finishing.
Another. "I used to be a sign carrying, bra burning, rally going, loud mouthed, pro-choice zealot. I believed in the right to choose what happened in my own body. Over the years I began to recognize that what we called tissue, was really a fetus, a baby, with a heart, and a brain, and a future. I am ashamed that I could not separate my passion for woman's rights from license to kill a child. I was wrong then. You could not have told me I was wrong, but I was wrong. I make myself feel a little better by trying to warn other mothers that abortion is not their best choice, even if it is a legal choice. It is true that we can deal with our pain by helping others. I would encourage everyone here to use their pain to talk to women in the decision process. You will be helped, and they will be helped."
Another. "I have been so sick, and so angry, and so full of shame, and so frustrated, and so mad at my self for so long, revulsion has become a way of life. I didn't know groups like this existed. I cannot seem to shake the depression that comes from the reality of my decision."
Nothing could have prepared Robin for what she was experiencing. She didn't volunteer to talk. In her own loud mouthed way, she was really pretty shy. She did notice that she felt safe. Maybe not safe. But certainly un-threatened. It was quiet.
Dr. Taylor asked, "Anyone else?"
No takers. Looks like it was over. Quietly, and slowly, a woman got to her feet. Robin looked at her. Her yellow sun dress fit perfectly, her shoes were cute, her blond hair was perfectly brushed, her manicured fingers displayed quality jewelry, she stood with perfect posture. She looked around the room pausing to get eye contact with each woman. She was reluctant to speak, but determined.
She introduced herself as Emily. She spoke very clearly in very quiet tones.
"For those of you that don't know me, I am a mother of two beautiful children. My daughter is two, and my son just turned five. When I was a senior in college, I had an abortion. I married right after graduation, and my husband is a good man and a good father. I wanted to ask something. I think I can ask this here."
The room was silent. As Emily continued to talk, her eyes welled up with tears, and they began to stream down her face, falling on her sun dress and intertwined hands.
"What I wanted to ask, is, do you ever hear anything? I have been hearing... I have been hearing..." She paused. "I have been hearing..... a whisper. I hear it when I put my daughter in her crib. I hear it when my son slides down the slide at the playground.
I have been hearing "Why not me?"
She looked around the room. The tears continued unabated. No sobbing. No crying. Just tear after tear.
"and I was wondering, do you ever hear any whispers?"
Do we have answers for Emily?
There are now millions of mothers who are living on the other side of an abortion decision. Grief, anger, remorse, guilt, pain, depression, anxiety, self recrimination, and a number of health impairments manifesting in serious, and sometimes life threatening disease are the result of decisions made months, and sometimes years before.
There is a serious need for counseling and support for those who have made this decision and now live with the result. Any plan, born of love, that seeks to deal with the impact of Abortion must include the mothers who have experienced the abortion.
Join YCVF as we unite with others in this nation and around the world that are seeking to bring God's protection to the unborn, and God's mercy to the moms.
Women need to know that these groups exist. They need to be aware of retreat opportunities that speak to their heart issues. Many abortions are repeat abortions. It may be circumstances, it may be guilt, it may be a perception of no other options, it may be familypressure, or pressure from a boyfriend. One fact is absolutly true: Women that have the support of other women are less inclined to abort.
YCVF is committed to assist in getting this message out. Resources are available. Caring friends are available. Support is available. You can be a part of delivering this important life saving, life changing message. Support YCVF with your gifts and prayers.
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